Nov21st: half empty, fully open

hmmm, where do I begin? Looking around the room.

So this week I fasted from food, junk,alchol, entertainment, and any other influences. Oh yes, sex is one of those too. Chuckling. When you are doing the fast the 1st day seems impossible. There is a longlist of what you can’t have or do and a short list of what you can have and do. You feel pulled away, stranded, and exiled in your everyday life because you can’t do what you opt
to do. You are helpless with ample funds to spend, a healthy appetite, and the wihdrawal of common pleasures. Some would say I can’t do that,and you would be right. Others will try.

My hardest part of he journey was not in the lack of what I couldn’t eat but in what id d with myself after the workday ens, after everyday tasks cease, what am I do to entertain myself. This as my greastest challenge. No facebook, dancing, movies, happy hour, shopping, gambling, or other entertainment. A concert, out of the question. A local arts show or music venue, nope to that too. On most nights I arrived home at 7pm, ate, prayed, and then in bed by 9pm. Yup, that was me last week.

You know its funny how going without someting or someone shows you how you really don’t need it. You desire it. Like, I will have a drink socially here and there at about ole let’s say $6 each. Dinner at $16 each night and entertainment at $23 every two nights. I didn’t really need these things but I did them. After this fast, at this time I don’t have a desire to do these things now.

Have you realized that some people know you better than yourself. They know how to manipulate you or scheme you better than you. During this fast, these predators had a face, whereas before I guess I never thought it would be them. With great earnst, I will not be dealing with them anymore. Sighing. I am ok with that. Some ppl are so empty, such replicas of someone great, but its like dressup in the mirror at home. The only one playing along is you. Smh.

So I titled this half empty, completely open. I think its fitting, don’t you. If you write a list of your favorite things, then a list of what you have to have from them, then shorten that list to five things you can not go without that’s what this fast felt like. But at the end, at the end when you revisit you list of what you can not live without that list will have gotten shorter. So if the essentials, by what you wrote you can not live without then as they decrease, something else will increase. A fast is to deny the flesh in an effort to align or become closer to the will of God. If your list dcreases then his list for you increases. Its not mathematics its maturity. Rather you submit or not, rather it vocalized, or hidden, we all reach a point where “this” is not enough. Changing the players in your life helps but dear, it ain’t the solution. Just saying. So when you are half empty in search of finding god, you are completely open to his will.

So the theory is over with. Perhaps the highlights of this week came at very unexpected times. Charles came to bible study with me. That’s a first and very comforting. Dionna came out to play on Wednesday with the crew. Thursday I though I broke my fingers went to the doctor and had the best time playing with plaster with the sports therapist that put a cast on my fingers. We molded and shaped several pieces. She showed me things shed made with medical plaster and it was splendi to see. My art appetite was being fed. You better watch out, I may move into sculpting now. Joyful smile. Thank you Cheri. I saw my really good friend on Saturday and laghed, laughed, and laughed. Wow, it was the first time that week I laughed. Saturday moring, diva shanel, my ace tracy, and my ride or chill coolest find of 2011 nita b assisted me with a wardrobe setup at the church. The time there produced no sales but the people I met…let’s see. 1, 6,8, 10, 17, 18, 19, maybe 22 more ppl I didn’t know. Ppl, I don’t need facebook to meet ppl all the time. A good ol fashion, hi I’m khyla will do just fine. Smiling. Yes. Yes.

Now let’s move to the end shall we. Shall we? Which leads us to Sunday. I had given up drinking amazingly fantastic delicious german beer for 41 days. True story, I lost 9 lbs, reduced my acne, excema, and well, let’s just say a slight case of irregularity. Frowning up face. Smiling. Sunday was the culmination to all things half empty. I didn’t know what to expect but I was looking for the spirit to move. I got to church, with my casted arm, and dionna was waiting for me. Another first. Service was spiritually charged. POW! That’s what brought me to full. Mt. Zion looks to be able to seat 1300 ppl. Usually id say each service about 500-678 show and they arrive late. Not this time. Late comers, came in the door, took 12 steps forward and had to sit in the back. This was communion Sunday, which happens twice at year at this church, and ppl came out like it was watch service or easter. Woah, do you know what I’m saying? The 8am service, 11am, and 7pm service was jammed pack. What other event besides a concert can you think of that will attract 1100+ ppl on a November Sunday…hmm, at 8am, 11am, and 7pm each? Idk my bff jill!

So I traveled away after chuch to greet my love then back by 7pm. I’m thinkn, these ppl arrive on “cpt” time. It won’t get packed til 8ish. Boy, was I wrong! I pulled up and the main parking lot was packed. I parked where the buses park then 2, 5, 8, 11, and 32 cars joined me by 7:11pm. I think to myself, good god, its gonna be packed. I hop out the car and head inside. Something feels different. Yes. Something. Waking down the corridor I sensed everyone was eagerly awaiting this moment. This service, communion. Huh? In the COGIC church we take it but its not a, don’t kill me, a …big deal. there I said it.

This time was different. This first time every for 2011 taking communion meant something to me. It was real.

My fingers can not type as fast as id like to illustrate the joy, the spiritual cloak, the witness of trials set free, of ransoms being paid, of mental contortionist traps being open, and the compassion of an event to great for us to realize all occurring at the same time. This was a spirtual lottery and we all won. Can you grasp what that looks like? 1200+ ppl, crying, faling down in the spirit, waking up for the first time, saying thanking you, and speaking in tongues, jumping, running, and dancing in the face of the spirit of God. If you believe in ole wives tails, karma, good luck or bad luck, or consequences then this would the alpha and the omega of both.

It is said that when you take communion, you do this in rememberance of me. How many of us hold this to be law or do we, like I just quote it so well. The church bishop was right you can’t do what you used to do. There were broken bridges rerouted. And the chance to be happy, truly happy an opportunity to all.

I reckon, you’d just have to experience this yourself.

Oct 10th: God owns humor

What a day, what a day. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but luckily for you I’m gonna tell you. Where do I start, how about Sunday? I don’t know why we behave as if God doesn’t hear our thoughts. I’ve been working like a hebrew slave trying to prepare tis wardrobe, catch my girlies wedding, hang with family , catchup with friends, and plan my next trade. Yikes right. So I think to myself on Sunday, I deserve to sleep in. I’m not going to church. Oh was that foolish. I swear the sun was brighter, the bed was suddenly uncomfortable, and then like it came I wasn’t sleepy. Gee thanks.

I did make it to church and was throughly awakened and rejuvenated by the word. I thought to myself we’ll I’ll put some offering in the tray and the rest later. Oh, letme tell you…the fool I was. How about I swiped my card for the full offering instead of half. You’re kidding right. How can I fool my own self. Yea. Bc I didn’t.

So now Monday, I sleep in head to work late and then start to really think about this wedding. The cost, the drive, time away from making clothes. And I decide, egh I can’t makeit. That lasts about 12mins. I call up core, I’m talkn to her and she’s like yea, yep, yea. Dangit, she’s blocking me out …so now I have the fabric to make my dress, I’ve paid my tithes and ill be attending the wedding.

Eureka, everything slowly starts falling into place.

Tonight, I got a callback from hoooters apologizing for our bad service and offering a $40 food voucher. Ooo. I get a long awaited call for the night and it just puts me at ease. Then I have a much much respected artist that I don’t know call and confirm she’ll be in the show and actually I have seen and knew her before I ever knew her. Wow, now that….that….was an irreplaceable catch up. GOD IS GOOD. You hear? Pastor Rumph used to always say if you don’t him for yourself just keep on living. True words now linger along with memories that can not be forgotten. You listening.

Rounding off the night. I am almost finished with the mens wardobe. Very very sophisticated and posh! You’ll see. I have 10 more pieces to complete the wardrobe then I’m done. Six of these pieces will be key looks. Ohhh, I’m so excited. I am. I am. I am. Its a blessing to realize you can still grow up. That all you know, is nothing compared to things, places, people, and concepts you’ll never know. Pausing. I get that.

My eyes are open for more.

Lol, changing topics. My mother. My mother just texted me. Wt…..? Texted me. Are u kidding? My mother comes from the typewriter era. She still to this day belives a nokia phone is cutting edge technology. I don’t have the heart to tell her Nokia like Blockbuster are underperforming laggards in their industries. Egh, ill tell her tomorrow. Lol. But she text me. Given everything was ran together it read: istoppedbybankitwasclosedlovemom
Come on people, this is priceless. Ill try my best not to ever. Ever delete.

Now its 12:10a and she asking me via text how to capitalize letters? What am I doing? And how does she put spaces inbetween the words. Oh boy-

May 31st: a better 30

Lately, a lot of things old are being revisted. I am reminded of my cousin shirley always cursing, smoking, talking about the white man, and waiting on that big break in the lottery. Shirley ued to always say if god gives me tomorrow then. She didn’t seem to do much with today. She passd when I was in 7th grade. I am reminded of my dear aunt in the south. I didn’t know her very well but my father thought the world of her. I recall one thing about her: what little she had she gave.
My dear auntie carrie, always busying around the church. I spent most of the months of my life knowing her. Vacation bible school, graduations, birthdays, holidays, and church. She and uncle became fixtures in my life like ur favorite watch &movie you purchased. I recall clearly her saying, you can do all things thru he which gives u strenght, god doesn’t like ugly, and we all have to account for the things we do. So have something to fall back on. She passed my senior year in college. Two days before I recall every telling her I loved her. Pause… who knew, not I.
Years later her husband uncle tj fell sick. He was a fixture more than she was to me; for he hardly spoke. Never argued. Never raised his voice. Always was compliant. And said often in a response to everything, that’s alright. I took my ma of 67yrs old to see him. He was frail, tall & thin, down to skull&bone weight. My mothers ph rang, she answered and insisted on having a 10min + conversation. I respect my mother. She will always be my senior, my guide, my mentor but…I walked up to her not knowing what was to come; this moment mattered. This time which is slipping & said, with all due respect we didn’t come here for you to talk on the phone. Ill take this. We visited with him 2 hours. I looked on from afar, feeling somehow this is fragile. They laughed & reminenced. That felt good to see. Three weeks later he passed.

Why am I recalling these things. Because at some point you’ll consciously decide to grow up & it. Our temporary friends for the mood won’t matter. It won’t matter whos on your side or got your back. You too will recall your angels in flight with familiar faces. And you will know, to honor them, It’ll be time to put all childish things away. For me;It started at 28, ill be 30 in november. A day older and a chapter wiser.

March 20th: Wine Tour

Yesterday was simply a blessing. It was a neat experience to have a road trip in Indiana looking for wineries. Indiana is such a flat farm state but there is something very relaxing about a blue sky meeting a green horizon endlessly that makes it beautiful. A dusty road and nothing but opportunity on each side made it calming. I really really liked the time I spent bonding with everyone, listening to stories, cracking up laughing behind the wheel, or just having thought provoking conversation. I felt like I was in a Tyler Perry Movie! Can’t replace that one. We did three wineries, Oak Hill in Converse, IN; Whyte Horse in Monticello, and Wildcat in West Lafeyette. Interesting enough the one that spent less time in the visual frills of great decor had the best wine, more informative, and definitely a midwest welcome. I felt privileged we were able to meet the winemakers. I am looking forward to the wine tour in the fall where I have been cleared to assist with my guest in creating our own wine. This will be an overnight event in the lush hills of southern Indiana and Kentucky.

Random: Which would you rather have: being right or being loved? Would you sacrifice your ultimate thirst to always be right over a bit of silence not to create tension by just silently agreeing to disagree?

Community: We are almost there. I only need three more people for the walk and then we will be at 16 people. I appreciate everyone stepping up to say I will walk, donate, or participate. It means so much for the survivors of this disease to see us all turn out and show up. Kindness is contagious.

Fashion: The heat is on and I’ve got the skillet to hold it. The G. Ingles Fashion Show will be on April 30th 2011 at 300 East Restaurant. I want this event to be private. I don’t want to just flyer or invite people that have no interest in what I do or fashion. I do want to meet new people and have them attend the show so I will lean on you to help invite a friend of two out to this function. The appeal is going to be hot. And the style that I have already completed. OMG, turn down the heat! This kid is ready! You’re going to like what I serv’ up…I’m that confident!!

February 28th: 2 months down*

Today closes out the first two months of the year. New years, valentines, and black history month. I don’t know about you but 2011 is definitely panning out to be the change I needed from 2010. Things have broke, shattered, and somehow rebirthed themselves. Things old are washed away and things new; taken if not deserved. God has a deliberate method of not giving us what we want but what we need. That is a great father is it not? So ur turn, best and worst times of 2011 so far…

February 7th: Grew an inch”

It is my opinion that there are some very irritating people on facebook. I put up with them because they are in the know and have the gift of gab. But, all those updates, questions, and other T.M.I.-one can do without. Why I know more about who you date, what position you like, and how much money you make is frankly an embarrassment. Do you know any of these people? I couldn’t do it. I just hit delete friend. I’ll just find out info the old fashion way…via the newspaper.

On another note, I find myself by looking within myself, I’m actually looking outside myself. I see now the error in my ways, thoughts, and actions I didn’t see before. I try to be a hardtail, tough big girl, but it still hurts when people are inconsiderate, insensitive, and unrealiable. I’m ok with that now. Furthermore, if you’ve been reading my blogs you’d know I fasted for a good portion of January. It revealed so much. I appreciate tithing in church and welcome the direction of the spirit. Hope this doesn’t scare you but I’m saying that now direction is so clear. There are some places I should not be and people I should not know.

You can live your whole life in a globe of silence and darkness because your eyes are closed and your imagination alive. Your feet need no guidance because you path is nowhere.

www.ginglesdirect.com