dec.13th: Full 360

Laughing. Its been awhile no since I have blogged. Yeah? Wow, nov 21st was the last date. So what have I been up to?

LIFE>

LIFE, interrupted. Constant. LIFE growing, life breathing. LIFE lived.

Some moments, I just don’t think wait, let me put that on facebook or blog about it. When smiles come I dance with laughter, when frowns come I submit to what I have to do and ask for God’s strength. Ask for his will to be done.

We’re almost at the end of the year. Wow, what a ride. 2011 has been a growing, diverse, mentally challenging, rewarding, cocooned, year for me. I have dated and it failed, I revisited and it was unsuccessful. I have tried new venues and it wasn’t the best. Relationships have failed and others built. I tried God and he has not failed. My product has matured and my focus has shifted. All in all, I’d say this one year was well earned. I accomplished a lot in my 29th year of existance by my standard. Some were pretty costly. Others were well strived. Well worth the wait.

This year I sought out what church looks like to me, as I am, where I am. What will God look like to me in this year of existance or will I continue to be one of those, ” I don’t go to church because I haven’t found a church home.” or ” you know church is not for everybody” type of ppl. Turns out I’m not either anymore. And it feels incredibly good. Incredibly good. Man, I wouldn’t say that I was invincible but I have a confidence that needs no battery charging, nor person to confirm, nor item or image to bear confidence, or allegiance for belonging. I really do feel I can run and fly.

Wait fly? I mean that I can do anything thru God which gives me strength. LOL.  Have you seen my new elaborated symbol. Here is it, its my charging elephant with an omega ring above it. This symbolized God and I. When you wear it…it symbolizes God and you. The story behind the charging elephant is that you don’t have to like me, just don’t stand in my way. Is that fair?

Hmm, what else? Oh, I’m in a relationship! smiling. I am. It requires work. listening. communicating. truth. honesty. understanding. and patience. But, I reckon every relationship requires that yes? I can’t wait to see where and how this relationship will continue to grow. It feels good. It feels good people. I feel like God is deconstructing me. Like taking away and apart the things that I always did and thought and allowing me to experience the coldness of going without them. Like deliberate reconstruction, without my permission. Does this make sense to you?

As 2011 comes to an end, i’ll be having a holiday party downtown on Dec 15th, 7-11pm. If you can, join me. Inbox me or email me khollis19@yahoo.com the party entrance fee is $10. Dinner will be provided. I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I am so blessed with an endless of talents, a big heart, and an open mind. Mannnnn! I wish I could show you the video that plays in my head of the infinite smiles and moments that really increased my awareness particularly this year. Because well dearheart, khyla has woke up. Smiling. I hope to see you out this thursday, I really do. In the event that I don’t, I’d like to wish you a very very amazing holiday season. Safe travels and god speed in your endeavors.

I will have a few more post before the end of the year then I’ll see you in the new year. Im happy you stopped by. I am.

Oh, and to my frat, I love you. My love, thank you for being you. I accept you were sent to me. Smiling. To my girls, nita b, britt, jewel P, Jewell O, F.Johnson, Lori C & Denise,  Catt & Mari, Mer.Lee, Mabel B., Onye, Shari,  Toshiba, work wanda B. my lil grown nieces Obbie I and Obbie II, my precious Goins/Barnes family…  I am exceedingly grateful getting to know you. This year has been beautiful. My rocks tracy D, Charles, Coleman, bhouston, Quintin R, Ray E, Abdul S. and work Herald, I appreciate you grounding me when I was flying away, hearing me out, and offering a smile/idea along the way. Oh and my extended network of friends and associates, man oh man, you made so much possible this year. Thank you Mia http://smhart.tumblr.com/, Chenzira, Mr Los, the entire Lez B friends, Kristina@ the elbow room, the entire G. Ingles models, Victoria, young Peppy, my Mt. Zion Apostolic church family, Edica, Sk & Frank Sincere, MANON, ALEXIS, TAMMY J, all the G. Ingles clients (round of applause), my Schwabbie Family, Dj Redbone, F. Johnson, and my mommie. Without a doubt, the assigned angel of my life.

Nov21st: half empty, fully open

hmmm, where do I begin? Looking around the room.

So this week I fasted from food, junk,alchol, entertainment, and any other influences. Oh yes, sex is one of those too. Chuckling. When you are doing the fast the 1st day seems impossible. There is a longlist of what you can’t have or do and a short list of what you can have and do. You feel pulled away, stranded, and exiled in your everyday life because you can’t do what you opt
to do. You are helpless with ample funds to spend, a healthy appetite, and the wihdrawal of common pleasures. Some would say I can’t do that,and you would be right. Others will try.

My hardest part of he journey was not in the lack of what I couldn’t eat but in what id d with myself after the workday ens, after everyday tasks cease, what am I do to entertain myself. This as my greastest challenge. No facebook, dancing, movies, happy hour, shopping, gambling, or other entertainment. A concert, out of the question. A local arts show or music venue, nope to that too. On most nights I arrived home at 7pm, ate, prayed, and then in bed by 9pm. Yup, that was me last week.

You know its funny how going without someting or someone shows you how you really don’t need it. You desire it. Like, I will have a drink socially here and there at about ole let’s say $6 each. Dinner at $16 each night and entertainment at $23 every two nights. I didn’t really need these things but I did them. After this fast, at this time I don’t have a desire to do these things now.

Have you realized that some people know you better than yourself. They know how to manipulate you or scheme you better than you. During this fast, these predators had a face, whereas before I guess I never thought it would be them. With great earnst, I will not be dealing with them anymore. Sighing. I am ok with that. Some ppl are so empty, such replicas of someone great, but its like dressup in the mirror at home. The only one playing along is you. Smh.

So I titled this half empty, completely open. I think its fitting, don’t you. If you write a list of your favorite things, then a list of what you have to have from them, then shorten that list to five things you can not go without that’s what this fast felt like. But at the end, at the end when you revisit you list of what you can not live without that list will have gotten shorter. So if the essentials, by what you wrote you can not live without then as they decrease, something else will increase. A fast is to deny the flesh in an effort to align or become closer to the will of God. If your list dcreases then his list for you increases. Its not mathematics its maturity. Rather you submit or not, rather it vocalized, or hidden, we all reach a point where “this” is not enough. Changing the players in your life helps but dear, it ain’t the solution. Just saying. So when you are half empty in search of finding god, you are completely open to his will.

So the theory is over with. Perhaps the highlights of this week came at very unexpected times. Charles came to bible study with me. That’s a first and very comforting. Dionna came out to play on Wednesday with the crew. Thursday I though I broke my fingers went to the doctor and had the best time playing with plaster with the sports therapist that put a cast on my fingers. We molded and shaped several pieces. She showed me things shed made with medical plaster and it was splendi to see. My art appetite was being fed. You better watch out, I may move into sculpting now. Joyful smile. Thank you Cheri. I saw my really good friend on Saturday and laghed, laughed, and laughed. Wow, it was the first time that week I laughed. Saturday moring, diva shanel, my ace tracy, and my ride or chill coolest find of 2011 nita b assisted me with a wardrobe setup at the church. The time there produced no sales but the people I met…let’s see. 1, 6,8, 10, 17, 18, 19, maybe 22 more ppl I didn’t know. Ppl, I don’t need facebook to meet ppl all the time. A good ol fashion, hi I’m khyla will do just fine. Smiling. Yes. Yes.

Now let’s move to the end shall we. Shall we? Which leads us to Sunday. I had given up drinking amazingly fantastic delicious german beer for 41 days. True story, I lost 9 lbs, reduced my acne, excema, and well, let’s just say a slight case of irregularity. Frowning up face. Smiling. Sunday was the culmination to all things half empty. I didn’t know what to expect but I was looking for the spirit to move. I got to church, with my casted arm, and dionna was waiting for me. Another first. Service was spiritually charged. POW! That’s what brought me to full. Mt. Zion looks to be able to seat 1300 ppl. Usually id say each service about 500-678 show and they arrive late. Not this time. Late comers, came in the door, took 12 steps forward and had to sit in the back. This was communion Sunday, which happens twice at year at this church, and ppl came out like it was watch service or easter. Woah, do you know what I’m saying? The 8am service, 11am, and 7pm service was jammed pack. What other event besides a concert can you think of that will attract 1100+ ppl on a November Sunday…hmm, at 8am, 11am, and 7pm each? Idk my bff jill!

So I traveled away after chuch to greet my love then back by 7pm. I’m thinkn, these ppl arrive on “cpt” time. It won’t get packed til 8ish. Boy, was I wrong! I pulled up and the main parking lot was packed. I parked where the buses park then 2, 5, 8, 11, and 32 cars joined me by 7:11pm. I think to myself, good god, its gonna be packed. I hop out the car and head inside. Something feels different. Yes. Something. Waking down the corridor I sensed everyone was eagerly awaiting this moment. This service, communion. Huh? In the COGIC church we take it but its not a, don’t kill me, a …big deal. there I said it.

This time was different. This first time every for 2011 taking communion meant something to me. It was real.

My fingers can not type as fast as id like to illustrate the joy, the spiritual cloak, the witness of trials set free, of ransoms being paid, of mental contortionist traps being open, and the compassion of an event to great for us to realize all occurring at the same time. This was a spirtual lottery and we all won. Can you grasp what that looks like? 1200+ ppl, crying, faling down in the spirit, waking up for the first time, saying thanking you, and speaking in tongues, jumping, running, and dancing in the face of the spirit of God. If you believe in ole wives tails, karma, good luck or bad luck, or consequences then this would the alpha and the omega of both.

It is said that when you take communion, you do this in rememberance of me. How many of us hold this to be law or do we, like I just quote it so well. The church bishop was right you can’t do what you used to do. There were broken bridges rerouted. And the chance to be happy, truly happy an opportunity to all.

I reckon, you’d just have to experience this yourself.

Nov.5th: Where and when

Hello readers how are you? I am well. Very well. Where have I been? What have I been up to? Well, just the world. Just life.

These pass three weekends I have been so very busy with this and that, that I haven’t had to time to write. My last post was on Oct 11th. At that time I was preparing for my fall show on Oct29th. The wardrobe took about 67 days to make total. I displayed 31 items, broke 2 pairs of scissors, one sewing machine, and pricked myself endless times while sewing. OUCH! But at the end, I had over 40 guest in attendance, a very hot display of music and lyrics from Ryan M. Brewer, Naz Khalid, Ray E, Manon, and beautiful Alexis. I gave away over $140 in giftcards and presents and over $120 in wardrobe. This was the first time I did the man clearance. Kinda a cool concept if I must say so. I won’t give it away, you’ll just have to come back out and see me. smiling. I have begun to load the images, new wardrobe, and pictures from the photo shoot. Overall, this season these fashion feel so good to me. I have searched the burroughs of the east and midwest, and southern ports to bring you the softest silks, the most durable cotton, hot looks, and oh so soft  “love my favorite shirts”.

I feel like G. Ingles is growing up. Its aging and its time to do something new. Something different this round. And, I’m ready. The 2012 year will be a mile marker for us. You just wait and see. You just wait and see.

What else? What else is new with me? Well, I am officially 30. smiling. Yes, yes…lord, oh lord. I didn’t think I would see 30. I mean who does? Its a well wish that our parents see us grow but sometimes its not God’s plan. I hugged my ma, yesterday and said I am happy we saw 30. She replied, yes it is a blessing. And, its good to be seen. thankfully smiling. sighing. Yeah, it is good to be seen. Looking down. I thought that this birthday would be magically different and while it was sorta the same the change was more so magically mental. Like…… I started having these thoughts of appreciation and devotion like months before November. I wanted to do this very relaxed vacation and spend time just spending time but… … … looks away… .. .. .. that didn’t happen. I reckon, that’s my fault. Scratching my head. I have been conditioned to be a certain type of woman. A woman of purpose, financially responsible, always having a plan, thinking more doing less, God fearing, and a servant to my fellow man.  Seems like I’m just too much. Too many rules, too many standards, too business like, too personable, too loving, too pleasing, too demanding, and well too much of Khyla. Where’s my hat? Hold on… got it. So, it ended. I really liked that person. Pulls my hat over my face…. deg.

Deep breath, so what did I end up doing instead? Well, I hopped on a plane and headed out to San diego.  San Diego is a really great city. Its like the melting pot of the world. Its a city that isn’t swiming in high fashion or high profile jobs. There isnt much emphasize on fancy cars, over abundance of major architect, or massive mansions. I found the people very warm, humble, and friendly. I don’t think I met any real natives. Everyone just sort of migrated to this city.  Now this is the Star of India, its one of the largest remaining Tall Sailing ships  left in working condition. For $60 you can go aboard for an hour of sailing, casting the sails, and seeing the San Diego from the sea.  Along the way I also met some really cool ppl, ran into a pier, had outstanding food, and an overall great great time.  I was out there for 5 days and loved everyday of it. While it was snowing in New york, I was enjoying 76 degree tempertures on the beach. hahah. joyful smile. I’m ok with that. When I got back I just began to hangout with my friends and family. Really making the most of my time around 30. My birthday was actually tuesday but I celebrated all week long. When I got back to town on friday, I invited some of my good friends up to talk, laugh, and hangout. On saturday, I got up and did a photoshoot with my models for my line and then immediately went over to my mom’s house for a light lunch with my family. I was amazed to see that my niece was there with her mom, my sissy, my cousin, and nephews. They made me a card at school and taped quarters to it. Awhl, I will never never ever throw those away. I still have my nieces bday invite from 2003 when she was 12 years old. I cherish this. I also got a chance to see my new godson and have breakfast with two of my long standing buddies. I gave him my hat and he looks amazing in it. I also got a chance to see my first godson Matty, and my heart melted last month. Awhl, seeing him again, gave me purpose. I like want to be moreso less selfish and more giving of my time. Can’t wait to see him again.

Oct 11th: Content, Busy, Excited

As a continuation from the last post. My mom texted me goodmorning? WHAT? So it still never fails that my mom is in her 70′s. Call it cruel but I think it’s hillarious as all get out that she is texting.

Lastly, I just completed another favorite piece of the show. I am so in love with it. Its like the more I think outside of what I’m doing. The more I can really get into purging the idea out of my head onto ppl, paper, or venues.  The show is gaining quick steam. There are 71 guest expected to attend and climbing. I’ll see you soon!

Oct 10th: God owns humor

What a day, what a day. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but luckily for you I’m gonna tell you. Where do I start, how about Sunday? I don’t know why we behave as if God doesn’t hear our thoughts. I’ve been working like a hebrew slave trying to prepare tis wardrobe, catch my girlies wedding, hang with family , catchup with friends, and plan my next trade. Yikes right. So I think to myself on Sunday, I deserve to sleep in. I’m not going to church. Oh was that foolish. I swear the sun was brighter, the bed was suddenly uncomfortable, and then like it came I wasn’t sleepy. Gee thanks.

I did make it to church and was throughly awakened and rejuvenated by the word. I thought to myself we’ll I’ll put some offering in the tray and the rest later. Oh, letme tell you…the fool I was. How about I swiped my card for the full offering instead of half. You’re kidding right. How can I fool my own self. Yea. Bc I didn’t.

So now Monday, I sleep in head to work late and then start to really think about this wedding. The cost, the drive, time away from making clothes. And I decide, egh I can’t makeit. That lasts about 12mins. I call up core, I’m talkn to her and she’s like yea, yep, yea. Dangit, she’s blocking me out …so now I have the fabric to make my dress, I’ve paid my tithes and ill be attending the wedding.

Eureka, everything slowly starts falling into place.

Tonight, I got a callback from hoooters apologizing for our bad service and offering a $40 food voucher. Ooo. I get a long awaited call for the night and it just puts me at ease. Then I have a much much respected artist that I don’t know call and confirm she’ll be in the show and actually I have seen and knew her before I ever knew her. Wow, now that….that….was an irreplaceable catch up. GOD IS GOOD. You hear? Pastor Rumph used to always say if you don’t him for yourself just keep on living. True words now linger along with memories that can not be forgotten. You listening.

Rounding off the night. I am almost finished with the mens wardobe. Very very sophisticated and posh! You’ll see. I have 10 more pieces to complete the wardrobe then I’m done. Six of these pieces will be key looks. Ohhh, I’m so excited. I am. I am. I am. Its a blessing to realize you can still grow up. That all you know, is nothing compared to things, places, people, and concepts you’ll never know. Pausing. I get that.

My eyes are open for more.

Lol, changing topics. My mother. My mother just texted me. Wt…..? Texted me. Are u kidding? My mother comes from the typewriter era. She still to this day belives a nokia phone is cutting edge technology. I don’t have the heart to tell her Nokia like Blockbuster are underperforming laggards in their industries. Egh, ill tell her tomorrow. Lol. But she text me. Given everything was ran together it read: istoppedbybankitwasclosedlovemom
Come on people, this is priceless. Ill try my best not to ever. Ever delete.

Now its 12:10a and she asking me via text how to capitalize letters? What am I doing? And how does she put spaces inbetween the words. Oh boy-

Oct. 5th: mud & stitches

So the diabetes walk was fun and active. Hand clap people?

Thank you! There were 21 walkers and we raised $823. I am very very proud of our efforts. Now we move into fall. I am having my annual fall fashion show on Oct 29th, at the Elbow Room downtown in the Blue room upstairs. This will be my artist review and fall fashions. I hope that you can attend. The cost is $20 reg and $30 VIP.  The total show should be about 1.5-2hours total. The fall show is usually shorter than the Spring show.

This fall’s show will be a collection of what I do best polos, cable car sweaters, oxfords, shawls, throws, and a few other surprises in the mix there. So can you make It?

Now the blog.

So that’s what is happening and here’s my real deal. (falling on the floor, hiding my face). Building a show is so so very complicated, delicate, task oriented and difficult. Did you know that? I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again being a small business owner is not for the faint of heart. Seriously. you need to have drive. Financial backing. And a network of people you are willing to continually grow to get more people. If time and a one shot of $1000 is what you’re looking for be prepared that first time to spend out $2000 or more. I’m telling you the truth.

What else is new? Well, I turn 30 yrs old in less than 4 days. yikes right? Right. I don’t know what I’m wanting to do but I do know I want to have a really good time. Not neccesarily drinking, but experiences the town or city I’m in, stay in constant prayer and have a spirit of thanks, and maybe  just maybe share a familiar face. That’s what I want my bday to be like.

And, I’ve got stress. Jay Z said, I aint got stress to give but I got it the best. My neighborhood bestie from 15 years ago is getting married in the middle of no-mans-land. I originally had not planned to attend. Should i be sick? Should I have a temporary broken leg. Sighing.  And now, Im the maid of honor. (drops the mic, crickets chirping in the distance)  Yeah, thats what I said how in the {hey no cursing..} Oh sorry…. This is a happy time it seems for her but it comes at such a bad time for me. The show, my birthday, this wardrobe, event details, the stock market going down, housing association fees, and other dollars for life leaving up, down, left, and right can really add up. But, I gotta be there for my rock. Some life events only pass once. I’d hate for this event to be the dividing factor for why we would never speak. I’ll find a way to get to you. Is hitchhiking acceptable? LOL

Lastly commitments, so…a few lessons I’ve learned in the last 90 days. First, a good friend does not waiver. They are as sound in what they do and say yesterday as they are today. Second, be true to yourself and don’t settle. Third, people that say they will are always pleasant. People that say they will and then don’t should not be considered realiable. Lastly, rather you can actively love that one person or love them from afar always be truthful with them. My take is that this will keep your bind strong even when the two of you can not be.

Peace-